Requiem
August 23, 2007 at 1:30 am
“When I was young, I was extremely scared of dying. But now I think it a very, very wise arrangement. It’s like a light that is extinguished. Not very much to make a fuss about.”
– Ingmar Bergman (14.7.1918 - 30.7.2007)
Here I’m quoting Ingmar’s words again. This time I’m going to say: No, I’m so afraid of it.
It has been around me. From the death of Ingmar Berman, Michelangelo Antonioni, Wen Xing Yu (a famous and beloved local actor here), Max Roach, good friend’s uncle, and so on. And I just got to know that one of my good friends from high school who used to sat behind me, Tian, a really sweet girl, has left us 10 days ago… Cruely before I could wipe away the tears, I was told a guy who was also from high school has gone as well - while trying to stop a fight.
For a moment I don’t know what is going on, I’m kind of lost and confused. How ridiculous this summer is. All of this sudden disappearence is so unbearable. Like fallen stars, their fell on me one by one. The weight makes me scared. I couldn’t stop crying at night. Tian’s death, I have to say, finally made me realise completely what people mean by ‘cherish’. I haven’t been in contact with her for quite a while. Now I looked back on those sweet words that she wrote to me when we graduated more than 3 years ago, in the small booklet where she wrote: “Saisai, will you remember me? I will think of you, and remeber you, really!” Certainly. I do. I miss you, Tian.
Yet c’est la vie. And I don’t want it to sound too heavy and depressing. People coming and leaving, no matter how and when, who wouldn’t at the end - even if it’s not death. Life goes on, and everything will be ok.
May they all rest in peace.
1. Ingmars Zemzaris - Averte Faciem Tuam
(Miserere / 1996)
2. Erik Friedlander - The Wind Groans
(Maldolor / 2003 / Brassland)
3. Voice of the Seven Woods - The Journey
(The Journey / 2007 / self released)
4. The Blithe Sons - Morning at Night
(The Amazed Map / 2007)
5. Ryuichi Sakamoto - Dream
(Lack of Love / 2000)
6. Harold Budd - As Long As I Can Hold My Breath
(Avalon Sutre / 2000 / Samadhi Sound)
photo credit to longarmhair
to hell with wanda
to hell with this
had to bury a friend before my first kiss
I wanna life with some peace in it soon
get me a rocket to the man in the moon
I wanna live with the man in the moon
(Nils Lofgren, Man in the moon)
Dear Sasai,
in the best moments of your life, those guys who left behind will be with you and you will share those moments with them.
The friend I had to bury was called Alexander. And when I have one of those really great moments in my life, I make them a present for him. Thats the way, I keep them alife for me.
Thanks for sharing some feelings
Felix
I’m not too good at words, at the moment, but my thoughts are with you.
Cherishing the beloved and friends is something I’d like so many people to accomplish. Thanks for bringing this thought back to my mind.
An interesting image choice, caught my attention immediatly within the relation of requiem. One of my best friends of childhood died of cancer when I was 12 and I never got to see him during his last days because he moved from the city to continue his teraphy. From time to time I’ll have a really strong memory of him haunting me in the most uneven days and I’ll smile with goosebumps shakes back at him. My most sincere sympathies saisai. If there’s anything I can do for you please tell me. Warm hugs.
Really sorry to hear that Saisai. Sometimes all the sadness and misery seems to come at once. What a beautiful and sweet thing of her to do to write those words in your book. They are chilling now that they are seen in the light of today’s sad reality. I’m glad you had the guts to share these feelings with us, I think your tribute is very appropriate.
didn’t realize how young you are.
again and again i’m amazed by your selection of thoughts and music
you amaze me!
thanks for sharing and being
this evening i came across a picture of my ex with her new lover, i started walking and sighing, convinced a plan to dealing with this would present itself; i am a grown person and cold rationale is what adults rely on; however horrible the death of love is, i thought, the same you that hurts now still has to face a tomarrow morning, a tomarrow midday, the thousands of practical details that maybe sidestepped for now, but will need to be caught up with, eventually…
Thank you for sharing this, death is a subject that we as a society don’t deal with particularly well. huge on a personal level, but largely ignored elsewhere (esp. the media). It doesn’t fit with the pursuit of youth and beauty that we are encouraged to undertake. and the disgraceful treatment of the elderly and infirm in this country (England) all point to some form of denial.
On a more personal note, my father is in his last
months and if you can say anything good has come out of it it is this; it has brought us together. While our relationship has never been great, since his cancer diagnosis the petty disputes we have had have just fallen away and we get on just fine. Death certainly focuses the mind on what is important: love, family, companionship… It’s not an easy time, but at least we are treating each other with respect.
hey thanks everyone for your warm and kind words - sorry i been away for a little while. i agree with what you have said and also thanks for sharing your own feeligns as well. i truly appreciate them all..!
Thank you for this.